Writing Goals

Work On sentence fluency

Use a variety of sentance starters

Self edit carefuly

Friday, December 9, 2011

Bright Lights and a Bigger City

Authors Note:This was a creative piece based on a setting and a character given to us. This story takes place in the Bronx with a very sophisticated kid named Drew

Once upon a time in the big city there was a little kid named Drew. He found himself wondering off the play grounds at school. He saw a big white van with a mysterious man asking little kids mysterious questions. So Drew being as curious as he is went over to the van. The man said “Hi my names Paul, can you help me look for my lost dog?” Drew was wondering why he didn’t just look himself. Then Paul said “I’ll give you candy as a reward,” now that really tripped Drew’s trigger candy was Drew’s favorite. So they went out together looking for Paul’s dog until they saw what had looked to be movement far in the distance. So they ran and ran, then Drew started to hear voices and people crying. Drew snapped back into it, he was in a court house on the stand and he saw Paul in the vicinity of him then a lawyer said “Did he touch you or make you do wrong things” there was a long pause. Then Drew replied “Yes that man did many things to me but I liked some of it, the journey was fun and he still gave me candy I was promised,” “but did he force you to do anything””In the beginning yes but then like I said I liked it and I started playing along I’m sorry I know this ruins your case but he’s innocent.”. “Has the jury come to a verdict,” said the judge “Yes we have your honor Guilty for child molestation but not guilty for rape,” I see this court is dismissed!

1 comment:

  1. Shocking ending...I had to read it twice to see how your character got there. You might consider breaking into paragraphs when the action or scene changes. Also, can you vary your sentence beginnings to avoid using "So"?

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